Do not watch this comedian.

1. Do you work at Subway? Cus you’re making me a footlong!
2. I’ve got the F, the C, and the K. Now all I need is U.
3. I’m gonna call you ‘Trophy Bass’ ‘cuz I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!
4. Let’s play Lion and Lion Tamer. You open your mouth and I’ll feed you the meat!
5. At the office copy machine: “Reproducing eh? Can I help?
6. I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
7. Do you sleep on your stomach? Do you mind if I do?
8. Why are you going, when you could be coming?
9. Let’s play war, I’ll lay down and you blow the hell out of me!
10. You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
11. It’s not going to suck itself.
12. Hey, nice shoes… lets fuck.
13. Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?
14. If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
15. My ride left without me , can you give me one?
16. Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
17. I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?
18. I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
19. You have some nice jewelery, it would look great on my nightstand

Bumper sticker spotted on a Silverado pick up truck on loop 610 in Houston, Texas, on Oct 30, 2007:

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny’s dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled, ‘Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!’

Little Johnny replied, ‘It’s not so funny when it’s your mom is it?!’